1.18.2011

{growing experience...}

I can honestly say that today has been the worst day of my life. We were given no notice that the time was coming to leave Hannah's Hope. Someone just came upstairs and said, "time to say goodbye." I wish I could explain, but it's impossible. I wish I could tell you I kept it together, but I didn't. I fell apart ... completely. John and I just held and kissed him over and over as I stood there sobbing. There just aren't words to describe the pain of leaving your child half way around the world. I've felt like throwing up for the rest of the day. I wish I could tell all the families coming after us that it isn't too bad, that it will be alright... but that's a lie. It 's worse than any hurt I could ever think of and it just isn't okay. It's not. Nothing anyone can say will ever make me believe that. BUT God is in control. He knows how I hurt and he knows how much we love our son. He will give us the grace to carry on through the next several weeks. Please be patient with me. I am raw ... if I randomly tear up just know it's because I left my heart here in Ethiopia and I am struggling just to breathe.

I am sitting in the airport in Ethiopia. Our flight has been delayed 6 hours and we are just praying that we will make our connection in Frankfurt. If not, there's another flight leaving 5 hours later. One way or another we'll be home sometime soon and in our beds. I wish it wasn't so... I wish I could stay. I have fallen in love with Ethiopia and I don't want to leave. Not to mention, my son is 30 minutes away and I can't do anything about it.

Thank you for your encouragement, compassion, and prayers... we need them more than you know!

27 comments:

Leigh said...

Oh Lauren, I know it hurts. One day I will truly know how bad. Praying for you and John and of course for your precious Tucker. Thank you for being honest though, if you told me it wasn't that bad I wouldn't believe you anyway. Wishing I could hug your neck and bring you dinner and cry with you over the next few weeks.

Kristin said...

I am so sorry, Lauren! I can't imagine how horrible it must be to have to leave. Praying for the Lord to comfort you and for Him to take care of Tucker until you can return.

Joe and Deanna said...

Praying for you that the Lord will hold you tight as you walk through this pain. Hang in there! Keep your chin up and your knees down. Thank you for being so honest and for sharing it with us. We, too, will go through this very same thing in a year or so.....can't say I am looking forward to it. At least now I know what to expect. Blessings to you as you travel home my friend.

Teresa Rieke said...

Bob called us tonight. We are praying for you. I am so sorry. I know I might be saying the wrong thing, because you are so raw. But I thought you must understand the Lord's sacrifice more now than most people.

Critty said...

I am so sorry friend. I just cannot even imagine.

Praying lots for you and John and baby Tucker.

Summerbaby7992 said...

Oh Lauren I am so sorry! I am praying for you guys!! I love all of you and will be here if you need me for anything at any hour of any day! <3 <3 <3

Amber @ Striving For 31 said...

I am so sorry that you are hurting... I can't even imagine how it must feel leaving him in Ethiopia. Praying for you guys and that he gets to come home really soon!

Future Mama said...

I am so sorry! But just think...at least this experience is behind you and not ahead of you...what is ahead of you is flying back to Ethiopia and getting to your son forever!

Much love,
Future Mama
http://expectingablessing.blogspot.com/

Jessica @ This Blessed Life said...

Just prayed for you...how heartbreaking. Praying that God will make the time fly by until you see him again!

JillAileenJones said...

I sat her reading this thinking I can't imagine the pain you all must be feeling-I thought it would be like me leaving one of my children here and me having to get on a plane to fly half way around the world for a month or so and I don't know that I could do it.
I am praying this makes your bond even stronger than you can imagine with your new bundle of joy. I will be praying that Tucker is well taken care of and that the next few weeks fly by faster than any other in your life.
I don't really understand why they make it like this-seems so silly to me that once they are yours that you can't just have them in a week or so-just get to stay there and then take them home-you would think they would want to be done with having to pay to take care of them-I don't know enough about the system but there must be a reason.
Praying that you can lean on the strength and love and grace to get you through this time that only our Heavenly Father can give.
I am so excited that it is almost over for you though-and soon-even though I know it doesn't feel like it you will have your Tucker home forever.
What a glorious day!

Jill said...

You are being lifted up in prayer.

Angela Hunt said...

Lauren, my heart just breaks for you. I'm praying for you all. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

Kelly said...

My heart is broken for you. I am praying so much for you! {{hugs!!}}

Laurie said...

My heart breaks for you, John and baby Tucker. I hate how they didn't let you know ahead of time of when y'all could have y'alls last moments togetherlike you would have wanted. Like you said, God is in control and He knows. Praying.

Alison said...

This just hurts my heart to read. I am so sorry. I cannot even imagine the pain, and I know we will have to do the same thing in several months. PRAYING!!!!

BARBIE said...

Oh Lauren. My heart breaks for you. I cannot imagine what you must have felt going through having to leave your son. I am praying for peace and comfort for you, your husband and for Tucker. Praying these next several weeks fly by!

Alicia said...

Praying, my friend...

MamaMimi said...

I know there are no words. This is the part I dread the most. Just know I am praying.

sallee said...

Just went through this too!! How it hurts!! Your heart feels as if there is a BIG hole in it... pray for you... pray for me...

Kimberly said...

Praying...

Amy said...

Oh, Lauren! I will definitely be praying for y'all!

Jim and April said...

praying for you and your hubby Lauren! I cannot imagine how hard that must be! I was reading this to my hubby last night as we were talking about you guys and how incredibly hard it would be b/c it was hard on us just leaving isaac at the hospital one day and so please know we will be praying for you! we rested in this fact and may you also...that even though we couldn't be with our son the first few days of his life and you right now cannot be with your son for awhile, our awesome, BIG and personal loving God is with Tucker, loving him, taking care of him and comforting him!

Jamie said...

I just came across your blog and am moved to tears with you... May the Lord give you comfort in Him as you wait to be with your baby boy again... I am mum to two bio babes, an Ethiopian princess and we're in the process of waiting for a referral of twins also from Ethiopia... I look forward to reading along on your journey and can't wait to see your 'we're home with our son' post!
Many Blessings,
j
www.beneaththeacaciatree.com

Caroline said...

Ohhhh, my heart is breaking for you! I can only pray these next few weeks just go quickly. I hope you are home now safely and know that your son will be there waiting for you on your return!

Brookie said...

Lauren -
You and John and Tucker have been on my heart all week. I cannot relate to what you're going through, but I do know the "raw" description. My heart breaks for you, Friend.
- Brooke

nault's nook said...

oh sweet sweet friend, I wish I was their to give you a hug. Leaving your child is not easy especially when they half a world away. Just trust in Him and know that although this is a very painful step, it is a step towards having him with you forever. I pray the coming weeks go fast and smoothly and that your baby boy will be home in no time. Praying!

Brooke said...

oh, friend, I am so sorry!!! I am dreading the day that we leave....I am so sorry that you had to go through that...but I am so happy that your day will come soon when you will bring him home for good!!!